My Non-New Year's Resolution for 2011

Note: Before I start yammering on, the short version of this post is that I started a new blog. But don't worry, this blog isn't going away. Read on...

For the first time in....my lifetime..."losing 20 pounds" will not be on my list of New Year's resolutions.

I think I'll keep "flossing my teeth" on there though, just to be safe.

Anyway, the reason "lose 20 pounds" isn't on my list this year is because I feel like I'm about 5 pounds away from what, for me, is a really good weight. I'm not saying what that weight is because for those "thinnies" out there, they're probably thinking, "THAT is a good weight?" Why yes it is, for this girl.

My weight has been a source of consternation for me since I was in elementary school. No lie. My weight has been up, down and all around for years, from a super low weight in grad school (fueled mostly by a borderline eating disorder and Jenny Craig), to super high when I was pregnant (and then coming close to that several other times).

I read all of the articles, listened to all of the advice, but I couldn't figure it all out. So even though I exercised, I was all over the place with my weight.

And then when Finn got sick, I became very interested in what we eat and how it affects our health. But it really wasn't until more recently that I got my own act together and put all all of the pieces together in a way that worked for me that things really came together.

For about five years, I've used DVDs from a company called BeachBody. You've probably seen their infomercials for programs like P90X, TurboJam, Slim in 6, etc. Hilarious, I know. I've done P90X.

Twice.

And some other programs, too.

Am I ripped? No. Am I super thin? No. Will I ever be super thin? No, because I'm not that body type and I'm OK with that.

But I am pretty fit (like, normal person fit, not go out and run a marathon fit), and I'm pretty happy with where I'm at and where I'm headed.

Really, I owe it to the DVD programs I did in my basement, counting calories, and going online and having a good support group.

So I guess, in a way, my new blog is my way of paying it forward a little bit. I made online friends who helped me figure this all out and I feel like maybe I can do that for someone else now, too. I have some friends who each have a goal to lose upwards of 100 pounds, and this is also an easier way to help them accomplish that versus e-mail, which is how we've been doing it. Selfishly, I'm also doing the new blog for myself because I probably need accountability more than anyone.

Here's the deal: If I can lose weight and get fit, anyone can do it. Anyone. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am truly one of the laziest people out there. I've figured out what works for me and if I can help someone else figure out what works for them, I'm all about it.

So what's over there on the other blog? Not a whole lot yet. But I'll be writing about my own workouts and what I eat, and also blathering on about stuff I read that's cool, maybe a tip or two here and there, recipes sometimes, and any advice I can offer.

For what that advice might be worth anyway.

Remember, I'm not a doctor. I just play one on the Internet.

Think of this new venture as a fitness blog with Natalie's twisted humor thrown in. Check it out. Read it to be nosy. Read it to amuse yourself. And if you're so inclined, get on the bandwagon with me and get fit.

And have fun, of course.

Get Fit, Have Fun!

My Locker Room. I Mean, My Living Room.

This is what my living room looks like from September to March, and even beyond depending on how long the hockey season extends. The living room gets a break from being a drying rack during the month of June. Sort of. Then things rachet back up again when hockey camps start during the summer (and run right into tryouts in September).

I have informed the men of the house that all hockey gear must move into the basement during the holiday season.

You can see where that's gotten me so far.

And I'm making good on my threat to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving this year. It's happening this weekend.

Allegedly.

Four Score and Seven Years Ago...

So today I went to Finn's CaringBridge page for the first time in...I don't know how long. Actually, I posted there on Finn's birthday in 2009, but I don't think I've been there since. I go there so infrequently now that I always stumble around and try to remember how to log in.

It's weird. How could I forget something that I knew so well? Just like I thought I'd never forget the phone numbers to the clinic that were burned into my memory or the phone number to the pharmacy.

Does time heal all wounds? Or do they just scab over? I'm feeling a little itchy at the moment.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the nurse at Finn's Denver oncology clinic. Another heartrending pediatric cancer diagnosis for a family in a town near ours and would I be willing to talk to the family? Of course!

There were a few things that brought me comfort at the worst times when Finn was sick: one was being able to communicate with so many of you via CaringBridge and hear your messages of support, and the second was the group of "cancer moms" who I became friends with who answered questions and who knew for real what was going on in our house.

It's hard. When I talked to the mom today, I could hear and feel the emotion in her voice. I could feel all of those emotions welling up in me: the fear, the helplessness, the unknown.

There are so few times in our lives that we can say we've walked in that person's shoes. This is one of them. It's an experience I would have preferred not to have had--for my child not to have had---but I will use it and if it can help someone else, I'm OK with that. More than OK.

I have often wondered if Finn's diagnosis was a message to me. And if it was, what am I supposed to do with it? I remember writing long ago that I wished messages wouldn't be sent through my children! Use me. Take me. Let it be be.

But we don't get to decide that.

Which, as a control freak, annoys me to no end.

But I digress.

Listening to this family's story, there is worry and fear, of course, but there are also parts that make me smile remembering our own situation--the family and friends who are rallying around them, bringing them food (I warned them to steer clear of the desserts lest they suffer my fate and gain 20 lbs. on the donated food!), running races, shaving heads, sending notes and cards, the prayers, the love, the positive energy.

So I guess as much as I'm thinking of this new family and Finn's journey today, I'm also thinking of all of you and how you made it all bearable for us.

I hope I can help someone like you did.