How Do I Ruin My Children's Lives? Let Me Count the Ways.

As a mother, I am out to make my children's lives as miserable as possible.

Of course I am. Who isn't? And why wouldn't I? It's such fun.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

I do try to say yes to my kids when it's feasible. Or even when it isn't sometimes. It's fun to see them be happy about the unexpected opportunity to eat pie for breakfast or watch a movie on a school night.

However, they never seem to remember these unexpected bonuses when I'm ruining their lives in other ways.

Case in point: Last weekend when we were in Utah, the boys and all of Erin's kids set up a restaurant in the playroom. Very cute and creative. Except that they wanted to cook actual food and serve it to us and eat it down there themselves.

There were a few problems with this scenario. First, none of them really know how to cook and they seemed disinclined to have us be present in the kitchen while food was prepared. Second, Erin and her family are only living in this house temporarily--it's actually for sale and has recently been renovated. Renovated as in new carpet, paint, tile, etc. Renovated as in is it really wise for seven kids to be carrying/consuming food on various levels in this house with new paint and carpet?

No, not wise at all.

You would have thought we'd just told the kids we were enslaving them at a work camp in Siberia.

Drama. I felt bad because of all of their hard work making menus and setting up the restaurant, but it just didn't make sense. And it didn't help that the last time we visited and they still lived at the "old" house, the kids did this exact same thing and we did let them make food and bring it downstairs to the "restaurant."

Other ways I have failed my children in the not to distant past: forgetting to wash an item of clothing I said I would wash; saying we would do something and then having to go back on my word; forgetting to give allowances; not sitting down to play cards while I was trying to work; not allowing candy for breakfast.

It goes on.

Ad nauseum.

Sigh.

The British Invade Colorado

So now that you've seen a million pictures of my various and sundry friends and family, I offer you a million Colorado scenery pictures. And, I admit, a few more various and sundry family members.

Karen, Neil, Michaela and Dean visited us early July and we all headed en masse to southeast Colorado for a little sightseeing.

We met them in Denver and headed south to Colorado Springs where we went to Garden of the Gods.

It was hot there. Africa hot. But that didn't deter us from scrambling around on rocks and outcroppings of all sorts.

We cooled off with a drive up a mountain and a hike to a waterfall. But it was still pretty hot.

Have I mentioned I hate hot weather?

In Colorado Springs, we also went to the Flying W Ranch, where we chowed down on a chuckwagon supper (that might be the first time I have ever use the word "supper") and then listened to the Flying W Wranglers, the world's second oldest western singing group. Yee haw! I think it might have been a little much for the Brits though--by the end of the show, I was the only one left at the table.

After Colorado Springs we headed up Pike's Peak where we saw rare wildlife, came across some snow, and did some yoga at the summit. Well, Karen and Neil did anyway. And I got it all on film. Or disk. Whatever.

Throw in a trip over the Continental Divide, ice cream in Breckenrige, the Glenwood Caverns, swimming, and a ride on the Vail gondola and you've filled a week's worth of your time in Colorado.

And there's still a million things in this state we haven't seen yet.

Just give me some time.

At any rate, here's a glimpse of the British Invasion of Colorado.

(Ear) Waxing Poetic

I have decided every trip to Chicago with my cousin Jeannie must be accompanied by some sort of trauma. For her. It's like some sort of trial to see how she holds up.

I think she got off easy in 2005. If there was trauma, I've blocked it out. In 2006, Aunt Kathy and I dragged Jeannie to Nordstrom for a bra fitting. I found the whole experience to be uplifting. Jeannie? Not so much. I don't think she digs strangers fiddling around with her parts. I figure once they've fiddled around with my parts, we're no longer strangers, and I might even have a new friend.

I thought long and hard about what Jeannie's Trial would be this year. I wasn't really struck with inspiration until we were actually in Chicago and we were, for some bizarre reason, having a conversation about ear wax. Aha! It had to be ear candling for 2009 (Yes, sadly there was a three year gap in my Chicago sojourns. Jeannie went to Chicago without me and trauma-free for those years.).

If you've never used ear candles before, I highly recommend it. It's amusing and slightly gross--a great combination.

So what is ear candling? You use beeswax (or sometimes other types) candles and fit the point down in your ear. The candles are hollow. After getting the pointed end down in your ear, you light the other end and voila! The vacuum of the flame/heat draws some pretty interesting things out of your ears.

Of course, this is something I learned from my sisters--those two tend to be my entrees to all things bizarre in the natural world. Neti pots? My sisters. Eating raw oat groats? Ditto. Homeopathy? Cleansing? Kombucha? Sisters. Sisters. Sisters.

The ear candling has become something we all do together, usually when my mom is in town. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you get a huge Shrek-like piece of wax out of your ear. Other times, not that much comes out. That's kind of a bummer.

So I was pretty excited to introduce Jeannie and Aunt Kathy to this new venture. Aunt Kathy, always game for anything, drove us around town to find the ear candles. I think Jeannie was secretly relieved when Whole Foods told us they don't carry ear candles--probably some sort of liability if a customer lights themselves on fire. But I'm just guessing.

But we were rewarded the next day when we found a local health food store that carried the candles. I raced back out to the car brandishing the candles like the Olympic torch. We were on our way to see Jersey Boys so our appointment with our ear wax had to wait a bit. And, as an aside here, go see Jersey Boys. Awesome.

So Sunday night, after prying Jeannie away from her computer, we began.

Here's what ear candling looks like:


Setting her alight.


Jeannie waits patiently for the candle to burn down.


Note how carefully I'm watching to make sure Jeannie doesn't catch fire. I'm a good cousin that way.

I'll spare you photos of what came out of our ears. Actually, none of us was really that waxy, which was a bummer. Next time I'll have my Mom come--she's usually good for some impressive chunks.

"Experts" poo poo ear candling and say it doesn't really pull wax out. But heck, if that's not wax coming out of my ears, I'd love to know what in the world is it? Portions of my brain? Come to think of it, that's entirely possible. You do see a lot of powdery stuff when you unroll the candle. I think that's the beeswax dust. But there are large chunks of what is obviously wax and frankly, I think I hear better after we do the candles.

So to heck with the experts--I dig it, I think it works, and that's what matters.

A few tips:
1. Don't do the ear candles alone. For obvious reasons. I also don't recommend wearing a lot of hairspray prior to having a lighted candle near your head.
2. Use a tin pie plate between you and the flame. For obvious reasons.
3. Have a bowl of water ready to put out the candle when you're finished. Or, as Jeannie pointed out, you could pour it over the person's head if you set them on fire.

Good luck. And remember, only you can prevent forest fires.

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As a preview for tomorrow, I'll be posting an update on my hair. Get ready Anne K.!

My Country, 'Tis of Thee

I'm back. Did you miss me? Were you aware I was gone? No? That's because I was so frantically busy last week I didn't have time post that I was leaving town. Also, I never know if I should post I'm leaving town in the event my cyberstalker burgles the house while I'm gone. Although Eamonn stayed behind to hold down the fort so technically, the house wasn't left unchaperoned.

Anyway, the boys and I went to visit Erin and her gang in Utah for a few days. We left Saturday morning and came back this evening. I came in, unpacked and then repacked because now the boys and I are leaving for Denver tomorrow. Attention cyberstalker: Eamonn will be guarding the house so don't get any big ideas.

So the drive to Utah is just under six hours. . .if you don't have any kids with you. There are several different ways to go depending on if you want more or less interstate driving versus two lane driving. I prefer the two lane way now, but the first time we did the drive from our valley to Erin's house was in 2001 and we drove mostly via I-70. It was the first time I'd ever driven through the Wild West and I spent most of the drive with my jaw on the floor.

I love to travel. I love travel in the U.S. I love travel in Europe. I love travel in Canada, eh? And I've been fortunate to do a lot of traveling. Living out west now has opened up a whole new world of car travel (which I particularly love since I'm so airplane averse).

Anyway, so of course I always knew that the U.S. was a huge, diverse place. But the first time we drove from Colorado to Utah was mind boggling for me. I couldn't get over how vast the spaces were, how the mountains and different rock formations just jut out of the ground. I still remember my first view of the Rocky Mountains towering over Denver. It still takes my breath away when I'm in Denver and look west to see the snow capped peaks beckoning me. It's sounds so corny, I know, but I love being at meetings in Denver, looking out the windows and thinking, "I get to go home to the mountains tonight."

I'm still in awe of the landscape each time I drive from Colorado to Utah and this most recent trip was no exception. So I thought I'd take some pictures as I drove to share a little of what we get to see as we drive. This has been an unusual winter out here--not a lot of snow. So much of the landscape that would normally be covered in snow on the drive was already desert-like. You'll see the different terrains we drive through to get to Erin's. Some areas were warm and others were still locked in a deep freeze. It definitely keeps the drive interesting.

A few disclaimers about the pictures. First, I took these while I was driving. I tried to delete the ones that had huge reflections off the window, showed smashed bugs on the windshield, or had too much steering wheel or hood in the picture. Some were blurry. Some I can't tell what I thought was so interesting.

The good news is that I didn't crash and only nearly drove off the road once. Basically if I saw something that looked good, I just stuck my arm out and tried to photograph it. There wasn't a lot of composition going on. As if there ever is.

So if you're interested is seeing the drive from Colorado to Utah from the driver's point of view, check it out HERE.

And then apparently I forgot to actually take but a few pictures when we were at Erin's, so there are just a few pics of the kids at the end. All of the cousins set up a "restaurant" in Erin's basement and we all ate dinner in it on Monday night. They were so proud of their efforts. . .even if we did all the cooking.