Brain Crack

One of my dirty little secrets is that I read People magazine. I know, I know. Appalling. My brother-in-law says it's like crack for your brain. (Note: But I think when I take the back issues to my sister, he reads them). And I have to confess, I love that crack and I can't stop reading it. I'm addicted.

People is supposed to arrive on Fridays. But it rarely does out here because we apparently still use the Pony Express several days a week. Often it doesn't arrive until Saturday. In a worst case scenario, it doesn't arrive until Monday. That makes me very, very cranky. But when it does arrive on a Friday, I feel giddy with excitement. I'm shallow that way. I need my People fix.

In fact I get a little obsessive about it. Eamonn loves to recount this story: Years ago People arrived and I was saving it to read in bed. At bedtime, I set it carefully on the bed while I went to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I returned, Eamonn was reading People and would not surrender it. I started crying. I'm guessing I had severe PMS at the time. At least I hope that's what it was.

Where would I be without People? I wouldn't know anything about pop culture anymore, and we all know how important that is. I wouldn't know what the cast of Gossip Girl is up to. I've never watched the show, but no matter. I wouldn't know why Guy and Madonna got divorced or that Brad and Angelina are planning to adopt again, or any of the innermost secrets that Hollywood's denizens have revealed about them from "a source close to the star."

I rationalize this guilty pleasure by telling myself that I have to read so much accounting and auditing information for clients that I DESERVE to know who admits to having plastic surgery and who is just genetically better off than the rest of us. And I ponder the accuracy of what I read. I ask my friend who's an actor in LA if this stuff is true. She laughs and says, "I'm reading the same tabs you are! But it does seem like everything always ends up being true in the end."

Must run. I need to go and read the truth about Tom Cruise's family. I can't go to sleep until I know.