For the longest time, I've been annoyed by the Biggest Loser. That doesn't mean I don't watch it--I admit I do--but I do find myself annoyed. Why should these people get special nutrition and fitness treatment because they've let themselves totally go to hell?
And so that got me thinking. Why are reality shows always geared to the extreme?
OK, so it's probably because it's more interesting that way.
But in my head I started concocting all sorts of reality shows that would involve normal people.
Would normal people want to be on reality TV? Have I ever mentioned that The Bachelorette's Trista and Ryan live in our valley? And then there was another girl from here on the Bachelor. There you have our local reality claims to fame.
So anyway, these are the shows I came up with for us normal people.
Medium-Sized Losers. This is targeted at those of us who are just marginally overweight. We need help, too! Wouldn't it be great to be swept away to the Medium-Sized Loser Ranch where someone helps you lose those last nagging 10 pounds? Yes, it would be hard work, but you'd get to totally concentrate on you and get all ripped and awesome looking without having to be morbidly obese as a prerequisite. Sign me up. Even if it means having to endure Jillian (who isn't actually on the show anymore).
The Amazing Sports Race. This race will pit teams of parents against one another as they try to escort multiple children to sports practices or games, and other various and sundry after school activities on different sides of town at conflicting times. Participants will be graded on their ability to run from game to game, often of differing sports, all while remembering what child is where, the rules of the game at each respective event which includes what to yell (Goal! Touchdown! Penalty! Foul!) without sounding like you clearly don't know what sport you're watching at any given moment. Because trust me, people do give you a look if you yell "Foul!" at a hockey game.
Motherhood Survivor. This could also be Fatherhood Survivor or Parenthood Survivor. I chose Motherhood because I am, in fact, a mother. Really, this is the mother of all reality shows. In this show, somewhat like The Amazing Sports Race show, people will compete to have a day run as smoothly as possible. The tasks you must complete are: exercise at horrifically early morning hours, make breakfast at multiple times, pack lunches, pack snacks, walk children to school and/or drive carpool, complete a day of work, remember to eat, plan dinner, go to the grocery store, take out trash, clean a toilet or two, do several loads of laundry, answer recorded calls from political candidates, plan a birthday party, mail birthday cards to various and sundry relatives, perform volunteer work at one or more schools, attend at least one meeting (likely unpaid), run the vacuum, take out the trash, help with homework, nag children not to watch too much TV, get children into bed, read to children, do more work without falling asleep, have some sort of interaction with spouse, read 10 pages of a book without falling asleep.
If you make it through those items, you can go on to the second round whereby you will start adding additional items to your list--things like making and taking birthday treats to school, attending PTA, etc. But that's only if you're lucky enough.
Dancing With the Regular People (DWTRP). I'm going to come clean here and admit that in 2007, I pretty much watched the entire season of Dancing with the Stars. Does anyone else remember that season? That was the one when Heather Mills McCartney was on and I was dying to see if her leg might fly off when she did some of those dance moves. It didn't. What a letdown. But anyway, why is it that the stars get to go on the show, dance with the hot professionals (come ON, you cannot tell me that Maks guy is not the hottest thing ever! Ai yi yi.), lose weight and then have their careers revived. Again with the ratings and the stars. Whatever. Personally, I think it would be way exciting to pluck Debbie from Des Moines and Wilma from Wichita off the streets and throw them onto DWTRP and just see what happens. Everyone has a story and I bet if we got to know Debbie and Wilma and whoever else they dredge up, we'd all love it.
Secretly, I do have dreams of going on the real Amazing Race with Eamonn. And in my dreams he does all of the stuff where you jump off buildings or bungee because I'd probably pee my pants on the way down. And that wouldn't look good on TV at all.
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I Heart My DVR
Last winter, we got a DVR. I thought I blogged about it, but I can't find the post. Maybe I only Facebooked about it. Maybe I just imagined that I did anything about it.
That wouldn't be uncommon.
It was a Revolutionary Event in our house when we got the DVR because Eamonn said we were never going to hav one. Never. And truth be told, the fact that we got one at all was an accident.
There's a very long and comical (in retrospect) story about how the DVR came to be in our house. It started with the "need" to switch from DirecTV to Dish Network because DirecTV had dropped the Versus Channel and YOU CANNOT GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT THE VERSUS CHANNEL BECAUSE WE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET THE TOUR DE FRANCE ON TV, DON'T YOU KNOW???
Clearly, something had to be done.
So we switched. I handled the switch. It involved much research into the pricing and plans and options and all of that rigamarole because I am nothing if not thorough after being married to Eamonn for...let me count on my fingers...16...wait, let me double check that...sorry, I'm off...nearly 15 years. Is that right? We got married in Dec. '96. You do the math and let me know. I'll need to know by Dec. 21 by the way so I can get up and say, "Happy XXth anniversary, honey!" Don't leave me hangin'.
Where was I.
Right, DirecTV. Who could have cared less when I called to say I was going to leave if they didn't get Versus back. But then when I called to actually switch, they freaked out. They said we were among their oldest and most valuable customers. Twelve years! Twelve years we'd invested with DirecTV! And I admit, it was hard to go. I knew all of the channels, they never had outages. It was a known entity.
But, no Versus, no DirecTV. Despite their continually upping the ante and getting to six months of free service, we still walked.
I laugh when I think back to the questions I asked the customer service people at Dish.
Me: "So you're saying I can watch something on one TV and the other TV can record something else, all from the same receiver?"
CSR: "Yes, m'am."
Me: "I don't need a second receiver."
CSR: "No, m'am."
Me: "So one receiver can let two different TVs watch two different shows. And if I change the channel downstairs, it won't change the channel upstairs?" I could not wrap my head around this miracle of science.
CSR: Sighing heavily and I'm sure rolling her eyes. "Yes, m'am, that's what I'm saying."
I won't go into how I found out you could PAUSE LIVE TV. Or rewind it. Or how I didn't even discover that at my own house, that I was at a friend's house and saw them do it and stared at them with big saucer-like eyes and said, "How did you do that?" And they pointed out they had the same TV system we did and how could I not know this??!
But back to how the DVR came to be: A Dish guy with a heavy Russian accent came to install the new stuff.
Totally screwed it up.
And despite his assurances that our VCRs would work, they wouldn't.
Calls customer service got us comments like, "We don't work with outmoded technology." I spent several mornings crying in my granola over the loss of my friends at DirecTV. They never talked to me that way.
Another day. Another Dish tech. No dice on the VCR. Eamonn did manage to rig up some sort of crazy system to get one of the VCRs working, but it was frying my brain to try and use it.
In exasperation, I told Eamonn we were getting the freaking DVR. I couldn't take the pressure any longer.
So we got it. And it was like a movie where the sun bursts through the clouds, angels and harps sing.
It was beautiful, man.
And when we got the DVR, I giggled about the fact that the DVR could hold 150 hours of recordings on it.
Who in the world would load their DVR up with 150 hours of crap?
That would be us.
Eamonn and I each have it set up to record certain shows we like. His are mostly sports (soccer, cycling and Formula One racing).
I, on the other hand, have a bunch of old Disney movies that the Hallmark Channel ran last spring (all of those Kurt Russell ones--the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, etc.; Summer Magic with Hayley Mills; That Darn Cat with Hayley Mills; Pollyanna with Hayley Mills. I love Hayley Mills. In fact, ever since I first saw the Parent Trap, I wanted to be Hayley Mills so I could have a twin sister. I was pretty devastated to find out she didn't have a twin--that it was her playing opposite HER.). I have random episodes of Magnum P.I. on there; America: The Story of Us; the entire series of The Pacific; an odd episode of Biography and Oprah here and there. The entire season of Masterpiece. And I confess there are a few reality shows I love: Amazing Race, Top Chef, Biggest Loser. And I love Life Unexpected. And Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters now that I think about it. I forgot about the Good Wife, too.
I love a lot of stuff. Egad. I need to get a life.
The boys quickly learned how to record stuff, too. So look closely and you'll see the Pokemon Movie 3, odds and ends of shows they were watching and I made them go to bed in the middle of. iCarly. I admit I love iCarly.
It was all adding up.
And then last weekend, Eamonn went out of town and was unaware that one of his favorite shows, Top Gear, had a four day marathon, or something mad like that, scheduled. And it was set to tape "All" instead of just "New" episodes.
On Friday, I noticed the DVR was recording. A lot. Like constantly. Saturday came. Still recording. What the heck? I went into the menu and we had eight, EIGHT!, hours of free space left and we were only two days into the Top Gear marathon.
I freaked out. What would happen? Would all of our recordings just vanish? The thought of no Amazing Race of Biggest Loser nearly sent me over the edge and so I spent a few frantic minutes figuring out how to avert disaster.
Now we have 29 out of 150 hours free on the DVR. Now there's something to be proud of.
That wouldn't be uncommon.
It was a Revolutionary Event in our house when we got the DVR because Eamonn said we were never going to hav one. Never. And truth be told, the fact that we got one at all was an accident.
There's a very long and comical (in retrospect) story about how the DVR came to be in our house. It started with the "need" to switch from DirecTV to Dish Network because DirecTV had dropped the Versus Channel and YOU CANNOT GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT THE VERSUS CHANNEL BECAUSE WE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET THE TOUR DE FRANCE ON TV, DON'T YOU KNOW???
Clearly, something had to be done.
So we switched. I handled the switch. It involved much research into the pricing and plans and options and all of that rigamarole because I am nothing if not thorough after being married to Eamonn for...let me count on my fingers...16...wait, let me double check that...sorry, I'm off...nearly 15 years. Is that right? We got married in Dec. '96. You do the math and let me know. I'll need to know by Dec. 21 by the way so I can get up and say, "Happy XXth anniversary, honey!" Don't leave me hangin'.
Where was I.
Right, DirecTV. Who could have cared less when I called to say I was going to leave if they didn't get Versus back. But then when I called to actually switch, they freaked out. They said we were among their oldest and most valuable customers. Twelve years! Twelve years we'd invested with DirecTV! And I admit, it was hard to go. I knew all of the channels, they never had outages. It was a known entity.
But, no Versus, no DirecTV. Despite their continually upping the ante and getting to six months of free service, we still walked.
I laugh when I think back to the questions I asked the customer service people at Dish.
Me: "So you're saying I can watch something on one TV and the other TV can record something else, all from the same receiver?"
CSR: "Yes, m'am."
Me: "I don't need a second receiver."
CSR: "No, m'am."
Me: "So one receiver can let two different TVs watch two different shows. And if I change the channel downstairs, it won't change the channel upstairs?" I could not wrap my head around this miracle of science.
CSR: Sighing heavily and I'm sure rolling her eyes. "Yes, m'am, that's what I'm saying."
I won't go into how I found out you could PAUSE LIVE TV. Or rewind it. Or how I didn't even discover that at my own house, that I was at a friend's house and saw them do it and stared at them with big saucer-like eyes and said, "How did you do that?" And they pointed out they had the same TV system we did and how could I not know this??!
But back to how the DVR came to be: A Dish guy with a heavy Russian accent came to install the new stuff.
Totally screwed it up.
And despite his assurances that our VCRs would work, they wouldn't.
Calls customer service got us comments like, "We don't work with outmoded technology." I spent several mornings crying in my granola over the loss of my friends at DirecTV. They never talked to me that way.
Another day. Another Dish tech. No dice on the VCR. Eamonn did manage to rig up some sort of crazy system to get one of the VCRs working, but it was frying my brain to try and use it.
In exasperation, I told Eamonn we were getting the freaking DVR. I couldn't take the pressure any longer.
So we got it. And it was like a movie where the sun bursts through the clouds, angels and harps sing.
It was beautiful, man.
And when we got the DVR, I giggled about the fact that the DVR could hold 150 hours of recordings on it.
Who in the world would load their DVR up with 150 hours of crap?
That would be us.
Eamonn and I each have it set up to record certain shows we like. His are mostly sports (soccer, cycling and Formula One racing).
I, on the other hand, have a bunch of old Disney movies that the Hallmark Channel ran last spring (all of those Kurt Russell ones--the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, etc.; Summer Magic with Hayley Mills; That Darn Cat with Hayley Mills; Pollyanna with Hayley Mills. I love Hayley Mills. In fact, ever since I first saw the Parent Trap, I wanted to be Hayley Mills so I could have a twin sister. I was pretty devastated to find out she didn't have a twin--that it was her playing opposite HER.). I have random episodes of Magnum P.I. on there; America: The Story of Us; the entire series of The Pacific; an odd episode of Biography and Oprah here and there. The entire season of Masterpiece. And I confess there are a few reality shows I love: Amazing Race, Top Chef, Biggest Loser. And I love Life Unexpected. And Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters now that I think about it. I forgot about the Good Wife, too.
I love a lot of stuff. Egad. I need to get a life.
The boys quickly learned how to record stuff, too. So look closely and you'll see the Pokemon Movie 3, odds and ends of shows they were watching and I made them go to bed in the middle of. iCarly. I admit I love iCarly.
It was all adding up.
And then last weekend, Eamonn went out of town and was unaware that one of his favorite shows, Top Gear, had a four day marathon, or something mad like that, scheduled. And it was set to tape "All" instead of just "New" episodes.
On Friday, I noticed the DVR was recording. A lot. Like constantly. Saturday came. Still recording. What the heck? I went into the menu and we had eight, EIGHT!, hours of free space left and we were only two days into the Top Gear marathon.
I freaked out. What would happen? Would all of our recordings just vanish? The thought of no Amazing Race of Biggest Loser nearly sent me over the edge and so I spent a few frantic minutes figuring out how to avert disaster.
Now we have 29 out of 150 hours free on the DVR. Now there's something to be proud of.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Anatomy of an Article
So I'm in a little bit of a frenzy. Remember how I talked about how Finn would be at a day camp for three days this week, thus giving me three days to get my massive workload finished? Well, it didn't happen. Finn's former preschool teacher was running the camp and she suddenly had to go out of town to help her father, who is ill.
It was all, of course, understandable and totally unavoidable, BUT it did leave me in a bit of a pickle and back to where I was in the days before Finn went to preschool--working at night.
Apparently I've become spoiled with the boys in school and being able to work during the day because I'm finding it quite hard to stay focused into the wee hours anymore and I'm clearly out of practice. I thought I'd give you a little rundown of a few hours over the course of an evening, trying to get motivated to write and produce something.
Note, this schedule is slightly later than it would have been "back in the old days" when Finn wasn't in school because the boys would have gone to bed earlier. These long days--they'll be the end of me.
8:30pm--
I'm finally sitting down to write. The topic? Accounting for government stimulus money. I know. I nearly fell asleep just writing that. Try writing the whole article, people.
For some reason, I have to quickly surf through as many blogs, CaringBridge pages and celebrity gossip sites before I can settle down to start writing. And now I'm writing this blog as a draft before I forget it. Anyway, I don't know why I have to visit all of these sites before I can write. I have to have the most up-to-date information on what everyone did today. I mean, how can I be expected to work when I don't know the latest about Jon & Kate Gosselin or Tony and Jessica's breakup?
8:45pm--
The TV is on. I almost always have the TV on until I get to really heavy duty writing. Many times it's on a very low volume, or even mute, but there's just something about having it on. Most of the time I just ignore it and look up occasionally to "rest my eyes." Tonight Top Gun is on in the background. I write a few lines. I rest my eyes. How old is Val Kilmer anyway? I have to know. IMDB.com is my best friend. I love the trivia and goof information. Val Kilmer is 50 this year, by the way. Is he older than Tom Cruise? I'll need to check that. Why yes he is, by two years. Is Tom Skerrit dead? I feel like I read he died. Oops, no. Still alive. Sorry, Tom. I'd better close IMDB. Done.
9:15pm--
After several aborted attempts I realize that the government stimulus article is going nowhere fast. The information I got from the interview just isn't compelling enough to develop an article. I e-mail the client and suggest we delay the article until the end of the summer/early fall when the state government contacts said they would have more information. I feel relieved. And with that unofficially checked of my To Do list, I take a "break" and read some vital information about a new diet plan someone told me about. I realize it involves injecting yourself with something and I dismiss that as "crazy" and "scary" and "something I am too afraid to do" and eat some chocolate. I need to keep my energy up for sitting here. My job is what you might call "sedentary."
9:45pm--
Dang. It's getting late and I haven't produced anything billable. I turn my attention to an interview with the new head of the International Federation of Accountants--only the second American in history to lead the organization. Kelly McGillis doesn't really seem like she fits in during that scene in the restaurant where Goose is playing the piano and they're all singing "Great Balls of Fire."
10:04pm--
Oh dear. This is the scene where Goose dies. I hate this part. I love Goose. Ugh. Why am I watching this when I'm premenstrual? Was I in high school when this movie came out? Egad that's an old movie. Ohhh, here's the terrible scene where Maverick goes to see Goose's wife, who, incidentally, is Meg Ryan, who, incidentally, got her start as Betsy on As the World Turns, which, incidentally, I watched for my entire life until right after Declan was born. She's wearing one of those loose-fitting jumpers with a t-shirt underneath it that we all thought were so attractive in the 80s. Did you also know that Tim Robbins is in this movie and that in real life he can't even fit into the cockpit of an F-14? In fact, Tom Cruise was the only actor who actually met the height requirement of a nav-al av-ia-tor. True story. Or so says IMDB.
10:15pm--
The neighbors are grilling hot dogs. My husband is at the neighbor's. It's the Wednesday Night Ride where all of the husbands go out on their bikes and then go back to the bike shop (or to someone's house whose wife is not home), drink beer, eat junk food, and, if it's July, watch the Tour de France. I didn't get to see the stage today. Perhaps I should be watching that instead of watching Top Gun. Val Kilmer is trying to make Tom Cruise feel better.
10:25pm--
I have plagiarized several paragraphs off of this organization's Web site. Even after interviewing this guy, I have no idea what he was saying. This is one of the hazards when you write for a profession after you earned a C in the course during graduate school.
Charlie: "I'll have what he's having. Hemlock?"
Mav: "Water."
I can't decide the format of this article. I want to do a Q&A. It sounds easier.
10:30pm--
It's a miracle. The introduction is written. Maverick is receiving orders at graduation from Top Gun. He'll get his reel when he gets to the ship.
I would like to buy a new video camera for when I go to Ohio next week. I'd like to record my grandpa telling some of his infamous stories. I should research this, but I'll refrain from doing it right this second. It's hard to refrain. If anyone has any camera suggestions, let me know. I want one of those where you record right to a hard drive. I'm sick of tapes and I don't want to go to the DVD stage (Don, please advise), just straight to the hard drive.
Valerie Bertinelli looks really good.
Why are they always so sweaty on ships? Is it really that hot? Or are they really nervous. Everyone is beaded with sweat. Actually, I'm beaded with sweat over the stress of this article.
10:55--
I'm on a roll. I've edited the first question.
The remaining MiGs are buggin' out.
You can be my wing man anytime.
I got hooked on the Righteous Brothers after this movie.
11:10pm--
I can't take it anymore. I'm going to bed. I think I can bill an hour.
It was all, of course, understandable and totally unavoidable, BUT it did leave me in a bit of a pickle and back to where I was in the days before Finn went to preschool--working at night.
Apparently I've become spoiled with the boys in school and being able to work during the day because I'm finding it quite hard to stay focused into the wee hours anymore and I'm clearly out of practice. I thought I'd give you a little rundown of a few hours over the course of an evening, trying to get motivated to write and produce something.
Note, this schedule is slightly later than it would have been "back in the old days" when Finn wasn't in school because the boys would have gone to bed earlier. These long days--they'll be the end of me.
8:30pm--
I'm finally sitting down to write. The topic? Accounting for government stimulus money. I know. I nearly fell asleep just writing that. Try writing the whole article, people.
For some reason, I have to quickly surf through as many blogs, CaringBridge pages and celebrity gossip sites before I can settle down to start writing. And now I'm writing this blog as a draft before I forget it. Anyway, I don't know why I have to visit all of these sites before I can write. I have to have the most up-to-date information on what everyone did today. I mean, how can I be expected to work when I don't know the latest about Jon & Kate Gosselin or Tony and Jessica's breakup?
8:45pm--
The TV is on. I almost always have the TV on until I get to really heavy duty writing. Many times it's on a very low volume, or even mute, but there's just something about having it on. Most of the time I just ignore it and look up occasionally to "rest my eyes." Tonight Top Gun is on in the background. I write a few lines. I rest my eyes. How old is Val Kilmer anyway? I have to know. IMDB.com is my best friend. I love the trivia and goof information. Val Kilmer is 50 this year, by the way. Is he older than Tom Cruise? I'll need to check that. Why yes he is, by two years. Is Tom Skerrit dead? I feel like I read he died. Oops, no. Still alive. Sorry, Tom. I'd better close IMDB. Done.
9:15pm--
After several aborted attempts I realize that the government stimulus article is going nowhere fast. The information I got from the interview just isn't compelling enough to develop an article. I e-mail the client and suggest we delay the article until the end of the summer/early fall when the state government contacts said they would have more information. I feel relieved. And with that unofficially checked of my To Do list, I take a "break" and read some vital information about a new diet plan someone told me about. I realize it involves injecting yourself with something and I dismiss that as "crazy" and "scary" and "something I am too afraid to do" and eat some chocolate. I need to keep my energy up for sitting here. My job is what you might call "sedentary."
9:45pm--
Dang. It's getting late and I haven't produced anything billable. I turn my attention to an interview with the new head of the International Federation of Accountants--only the second American in history to lead the organization. Kelly McGillis doesn't really seem like she fits in during that scene in the restaurant where Goose is playing the piano and they're all singing "Great Balls of Fire."
10:04pm--
Oh dear. This is the scene where Goose dies. I hate this part. I love Goose. Ugh. Why am I watching this when I'm premenstrual? Was I in high school when this movie came out? Egad that's an old movie. Ohhh, here's the terrible scene where Maverick goes to see Goose's wife, who, incidentally, is Meg Ryan, who, incidentally, got her start as Betsy on As the World Turns, which, incidentally, I watched for my entire life until right after Declan was born. She's wearing one of those loose-fitting jumpers with a t-shirt underneath it that we all thought were so attractive in the 80s. Did you also know that Tim Robbins is in this movie and that in real life he can't even fit into the cockpit of an F-14? In fact, Tom Cruise was the only actor who actually met the height requirement of a nav-al av-ia-tor. True story. Or so says IMDB.
10:15pm--
The neighbors are grilling hot dogs. My husband is at the neighbor's. It's the Wednesday Night Ride where all of the husbands go out on their bikes and then go back to the bike shop (or to someone's house whose wife is not home), drink beer, eat junk food, and, if it's July, watch the Tour de France. I didn't get to see the stage today. Perhaps I should be watching that instead of watching Top Gun. Val Kilmer is trying to make Tom Cruise feel better.
10:25pm--
I have plagiarized several paragraphs off of this organization's Web site. Even after interviewing this guy, I have no idea what he was saying. This is one of the hazards when you write for a profession after you earned a C in the course during graduate school.
Charlie: "I'll have what he's having. Hemlock?"
Mav: "Water."
I can't decide the format of this article. I want to do a Q&A. It sounds easier.
10:30pm--
It's a miracle. The introduction is written. Maverick is receiving orders at graduation from Top Gun. He'll get his reel when he gets to the ship.
I would like to buy a new video camera for when I go to Ohio next week. I'd like to record my grandpa telling some of his infamous stories. I should research this, but I'll refrain from doing it right this second. It's hard to refrain. If anyone has any camera suggestions, let me know. I want one of those where you record right to a hard drive. I'm sick of tapes and I don't want to go to the DVD stage (Don, please advise), just straight to the hard drive.
Valerie Bertinelli looks really good.
Why are they always so sweaty on ships? Is it really that hot? Or are they really nervous. Everyone is beaded with sweat. Actually, I'm beaded with sweat over the stress of this article.
10:55--
I'm on a roll. I've edited the first question.
The remaining MiGs are buggin' out.
You can be my wing man anytime.
I got hooked on the Righteous Brothers after this movie.
11:10pm--
I can't take it anymore. I'm going to bed. I think I can bill an hour.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Random Things I Feel Like Writing Down Today
It's swell when someone is crying at the dinner table.
Tomorrow I'm getting a massage from my dentist. He's not giving me the massage, but he and his staff bought me a certificate for a massage. They gave the certificate to me in November. Given that I have had a child home sick nearly every week this winter, this is my first opportunity to use the certificate. Unless someone's head is falling off tomorrow, I'm going for that massage. I also get to go in the vapor caves. What are the vapor caves? Am I going to have the vapors like Harriet Oleson?
I'm watching a Biography on Clive Owen. He's hot.
I got on the scale. I have gained 4 pounds. So much for my jeans being too tight because of some Jean Manufacturer Conspiracy.
I am going to Chicago two weeks from tomorrow.
I know all the words to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.
I still dream of being a cowgirl.
I don't have any shorts that fit me.
I have travel fever.
Andy Williams was on the Today Show the other day. There is no sign from the Andy Williams camp that they are aware that I am his biggest fan.
Tara, Craig and Garvin are back in the U.S. and will be in CO on 5/15.
Did Brad really move out of the house and leave Angelina?
My Grandpa will be 96 in June.
I'm reading another creepy serial killer book. I've got to stop that.
Is Kathy Smith's body for real?
Tomorrow I'm getting a massage from my dentist. He's not giving me the massage, but he and his staff bought me a certificate for a massage. They gave the certificate to me in November. Given that I have had a child home sick nearly every week this winter, this is my first opportunity to use the certificate. Unless someone's head is falling off tomorrow, I'm going for that massage. I also get to go in the vapor caves. What are the vapor caves? Am I going to have the vapors like Harriet Oleson?
I'm watching a Biography on Clive Owen. He's hot.
I got on the scale. I have gained 4 pounds. So much for my jeans being too tight because of some Jean Manufacturer Conspiracy.
I am going to Chicago two weeks from tomorrow.
I know all the words to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.
I still dream of being a cowgirl.
I don't have any shorts that fit me.
I have travel fever.
Andy Williams was on the Today Show the other day. There is no sign from the Andy Williams camp that they are aware that I am his biggest fan.
Tara, Craig and Garvin are back in the U.S. and will be in CO on 5/15.
Did Brad really move out of the house and leave Angelina?
My Grandpa will be 96 in June.
I'm reading another creepy serial killer book. I've got to stop that.
Is Kathy Smith's body for real?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Little Gits on the Prairie
This is what Eamonn calls my favorite childhood show, which was, of course: Little House on the Prairie. He was forced to watch it (along with the Waltons) with his three sisters as a child. My guess is that his memories of Little House are not so fond as mine.
I confess that I own two seasons on DVD. And although I own two seasons on DVD, some days when I'm working on a simple project, I'll have the TV on in the background and if Little House is on, I'll watch. The Family Channel airs it three times a day. It makes me happy.
Sometimes my friend Karen and I send each other Little House trivia via e-mail. I thought I was good, but Karen pretty much takes the prize with her Little House knowledge. I do pride myself in the fact that if I happen to miss the title while the opening credits are rolling, I can tell what episode it is within the first five seconds. I can do the same with the Brady Bunch. An admirable talent, I know.
Recently, I think someone at the Family Channel has been a little lax in their duties. In the morning, two back to back episodes run. A week or two ago, the first episode of the morning was the one where Mary qualifies for the state math competition (that episode is called "The Pride of Walnut Grove" for those of you burning to know). The second episode was the one where Ma cuts her leg on a piece of wire and nearly dies of infection (called "A Matter of Faith"). Neither of these is my favorite, but I watched anyway.
This morning, I happened to flip through channels during breakfast and saw the same two episodes on this morning. What the heck Family Channel? With nine seasons to choose from, I don't think we need to be repeating just two weeks apart. Granted, that last season after Ma and Pa left were pretty lame, and how Shannon Doherty ended up on there, I'll never know, but anyway, I've now created an entire blog post about how I'm annoyed with the Family Channel and their programming error today.
I didn't watch, if that makes you feel any better.
But I did call my sister to get her interpretation of the episode about Ma. When Ma is sterilizing the knife and wielding it around at the end, what is she trying to do? Is she going to attempt to amputate her own leg? Other than that poor guy who had to saw off his own arm when he was trapped between two rocks in a remote Utah canyon several years ago, I don't know how successful people have been at self-amputation. Is this what Ma is thinking: "I'll just cut my leg off real quick and then head on over to the barn raising?" Is she just going to cauterize the wound with the hot knife? Is she going to dig out the infected part of the leg? I wondered this as a kid and it weighs heavy on my mind to this day. Maybe I'll write a fan letter to Karen Grassle and see what she thinks.
Got a favorite Little House Episode? Mine are:
-Any episode involving a holiday or conflict with Nellie Oleson, particularly the Bunny episodes.
And here's some trivia. See if you can beat Karen.
Q. What is the name of the raccoon Laura brings home as a pet in season one?
I confess that I own two seasons on DVD. And although I own two seasons on DVD, some days when I'm working on a simple project, I'll have the TV on in the background and if Little House is on, I'll watch. The Family Channel airs it three times a day. It makes me happy.
Sometimes my friend Karen and I send each other Little House trivia via e-mail. I thought I was good, but Karen pretty much takes the prize with her Little House knowledge. I do pride myself in the fact that if I happen to miss the title while the opening credits are rolling, I can tell what episode it is within the first five seconds. I can do the same with the Brady Bunch. An admirable talent, I know.
Recently, I think someone at the Family Channel has been a little lax in their duties. In the morning, two back to back episodes run. A week or two ago, the first episode of the morning was the one where Mary qualifies for the state math competition (that episode is called "The Pride of Walnut Grove" for those of you burning to know). The second episode was the one where Ma cuts her leg on a piece of wire and nearly dies of infection (called "A Matter of Faith"). Neither of these is my favorite, but I watched anyway.
This morning, I happened to flip through channels during breakfast and saw the same two episodes on this morning. What the heck Family Channel? With nine seasons to choose from, I don't think we need to be repeating just two weeks apart. Granted, that last season after Ma and Pa left were pretty lame, and how Shannon Doherty ended up on there, I'll never know, but anyway, I've now created an entire blog post about how I'm annoyed with the Family Channel and their programming error today.
I didn't watch, if that makes you feel any better.
But I did call my sister to get her interpretation of the episode about Ma. When Ma is sterilizing the knife and wielding it around at the end, what is she trying to do? Is she going to attempt to amputate her own leg? Other than that poor guy who had to saw off his own arm when he was trapped between two rocks in a remote Utah canyon several years ago, I don't know how successful people have been at self-amputation. Is this what Ma is thinking: "I'll just cut my leg off real quick and then head on over to the barn raising?" Is she just going to cauterize the wound with the hot knife? Is she going to dig out the infected part of the leg? I wondered this as a kid and it weighs heavy on my mind to this day. Maybe I'll write a fan letter to Karen Grassle and see what she thinks.
Got a favorite Little House Episode? Mine are:
-Any episode involving a holiday or conflict with Nellie Oleson, particularly the Bunny episodes.
And here's some trivia. See if you can beat Karen.
Q. What is the name of the raccoon Laura brings home as a pet in season one?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
I have been on Mountain Standard Time for 2 years, 5 months and 19 days. And I'm still not used to it. I still miss Eastern Standard Time. I just can't get it out of my system. I still think EST.
Out here, Prime Time starts at 7 p.m. and apparently I just can't get that through my head. I regularly miss shows I'd like to waste time watching. Some might argue that's good though.
At any rate, it still bugs me that the Today Show puts "Live" on their screen when I know it's not. Matt, you cracked that joke two bloody hours ago. You're not live anymore! Stop it!
And New Year's Eve? Don't get me started. This year, at 10 p.m., NBC was running a "just one hour until the ball drops" ticker. What the? Someone needs to get coordinated.
Election night? Why bother going to the polls when the news anchors are already calling the big, important states for someone and predicting a landslide by 5 p.m. here?
I feel bad for those people in California. Or Hawaii? Pffffft. Fuggedaboutit. They're practically on the same timezone as Japan, so who cares.
I'm getting some relief from the fact that we can now watch shows online. So when I sit down at 9 p.m. to watch The Office, only to realize it was on an hour ago, I don't nearly blow a vein.
These things are important to me.
Sad, I know.
Bonus points tonight if you can name the band who sang the song in the title of this post. No Googling though.
Out here, Prime Time starts at 7 p.m. and apparently I just can't get that through my head. I regularly miss shows I'd like to waste time watching. Some might argue that's good though.
At any rate, it still bugs me that the Today Show puts "Live" on their screen when I know it's not. Matt, you cracked that joke two bloody hours ago. You're not live anymore! Stop it!
And New Year's Eve? Don't get me started. This year, at 10 p.m., NBC was running a "just one hour until the ball drops" ticker. What the? Someone needs to get coordinated.
Election night? Why bother going to the polls when the news anchors are already calling the big, important states for someone and predicting a landslide by 5 p.m. here?
I feel bad for those people in California. Or Hawaii? Pffffft. Fuggedaboutit. They're practically on the same timezone as Japan, so who cares.
I'm getting some relief from the fact that we can now watch shows online. So when I sit down at 9 p.m. to watch The Office, only to realize it was on an hour ago, I don't nearly blow a vein.
These things are important to me.
Sad, I know.
Bonus points tonight if you can name the band who sang the song in the title of this post. No Googling though.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
10 Random Things I Feel Like Writing Down Today
1. I have to drive to Denver in one hour. I suppose I should shower.
2. What's the deal with yoga? I thought it was supposed to be relaxing. How am I supposed to breathe when I'm all contorted like that?
3. I love my crockpot which I use to cook the life out of food all day.
4. We need snow.
5. The later years of Little House on the Prairie are kind of lame.
6. I apparently still know all the words to "Glory Days."
7. I cannot swallow even the tiniest of pills without drinking copious amounts of water.
8. I secretly like to watch Hannah Montana and the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. But not the Suite Life on Deck.
9. I have eaten eggs for breakfast every day for the past month. Wonder what that's doing to my cholesterol?
10. This year I want to be nominated as Andy Williams' biggest fan. I listened to him for two hours on the plane the other day and it's January. What a rebel.
2. What's the deal with yoga? I thought it was supposed to be relaxing. How am I supposed to breathe when I'm all contorted like that?
3. I love my crockpot which I use to cook the life out of food all day.
4. We need snow.
5. The later years of Little House on the Prairie are kind of lame.
6. I apparently still know all the words to "Glory Days."
7. I cannot swallow even the tiniest of pills without drinking copious amounts of water.
8. I secretly like to watch Hannah Montana and the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. But not the Suite Life on Deck.
9. I have eaten eggs for breakfast every day for the past month. Wonder what that's doing to my cholesterol?
10. This year I want to be nominated as Andy Williams' biggest fan. I listened to him for two hours on the plane the other day and it's January. What a rebel.
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